


The Observant Spy and the Pile of Half-Baked crossovers

by A_Spy_on_Observation



Category: Naruto, Team Fortress 2, Warhammer 40.000
Genre: klepomaniac Thousand Sons, soldiers don't ever give a damm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-30 07:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10872363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Spy_on_Observation/pseuds/A_Spy_on_Observation
Summary: The inner machinations of a madman, given an outlet through sub-par writing





	1. Of Madness and Insanity part summary

**Author's Note:**

> This particular chapter draws inspiration from the works of Sanctus Cecidit on FF.net

There are certain Rules that one abides by when dealing with mercenaries of the Teufortian stock. The number and stringency of said rules varies heavily on a merc-to-merc basis, but the most fundamental rules remain the same, such as:

1\. Do not make sudden moves around snipers or engineers  
2\. Do not show fear to pyros  
3.NEVER _EVER_ MAKE A SOLDIER ANGRY!

Disregarding any of the Rules will lead to your painful and/or embarrassing death, doubly so for rule #3. A certain Fact about Soldiers is that, universally, they obsess over guns, woodland creatures, and soup. Recently, part of a certain sealing array has landed itself in the coffers of the TF Mercenary Coalition after a former member of the Hidden Sand Village disregarded rule #2. As said seal was Kind of a Big Deal, the Hidden Sand Village sent their best to retrieve the missing piece. It was easy enough to track the piece down to the TFMC HQ (pyros aren't exactly _subtle_ ) but, in order to extract the seal piece, they needed a very large distraction. During their infiltration of the base, the nin had found a heavily armored warehouse at the center of the base whose only entrance was a absurd trap gauntlet that took those seeking access nearly 15 minutes of perfect-down-to-the-millimeter steps to traverse. Upon entering the warehouse, the nin were treated to the sight of soup, from wall to wall, and nearly touching the ceiling. A fact about nin: they love causing mayham, and hate having their expectations let down. The resulting explosion caused catastrophic damage to the compound, tossed several mercs into low orbit, and caused molten soup to rain from the sky for miles. Had the nin blown up any other building, the pursuit would have ended when they crossed over the dimensional void. When the nin arrived back in the familiar dessert of their home, it was to a blistering sandstorm, the type that could strip flesh from bone in seconds. Incapable of finding their bearings in the weather, they took shelter confident that the sandstorm would hide them from any significant threats. The 2,000 Soldiers pissed beyond all reason or logic had other ideas. After "dealing" with the perpetrators of the Great Soup Massacre, the soldiers collectively realized that they had no idea where they were or how to get back. This surprised absolutely no one, and bothered them even less. Luckily, in the world they landed in, heavily armed men with little to no sense of self preservation willing to work for soup and the promise of violence were never not in high demand. ninja found it incredibly vexing to stop convoys headed by soldiers, as they tended to go flying on their merry way when hit by explosions (or fireballs, or lightning bolts,etc.) the legends of their inherent insanity as well as their success rate spread far and wide. Finally, as the world slipped steadily towards another war, a (merrily smoking) convoy lands unceremoniously in the middle of the Hidden Whirlpool Village...


	2. Captain hair gel and the bloody magpie part prelude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This... is not a crossover. But the writing is still subpar...also warhammer (40k)

Magnus the red was sloughing through snow on the planet Fenris. For those who don't know, Magnus is a genius who raised an entire planet from practically the Stone Age to planet spanning utopia of learning in less than 50 years. As such, he hates ignorance and seeks to rectify it wherever it could be found.ignorance is one of the few things capable of igniting his admittedly short temper, with the side effect of making things explode spontaneously. Putting up with Leaman Russ is the olny thing capable of making him generate craters. Having Leaman Russ insult almost every field of advanced science, his Legion, his abilitys, and his mothers personal hygiene in a single sentence was enough to make him blast a certain geological formation used for training Space Wolves Neophytes for years to come into the landscape. And Leaman had the gall to laugh at the crater. Laugh! Fuming, Magnus finished his slog to his landing space and entered his personal transport. The sight that greeted him was this: ahriman, one of his most trusted sorcerers, hunched suspiciously over something, muttering something along the lines of "be quiet and hold still" with enough "notice-me-not" runes surround him to park a baneblade in a bathroom. Natrurally, this olny piqued the interest of the second most powerful psyker in all of existence.  
"Ahriman,what are you hiding?"  
Said psyker gave a full-body flinch at the voice of his Primarch,causing a (surprisingly non-psychic) explosion of red paint in front of him.  
"M-milord, I, um, I didn't see you there! I-I was just, um, touching up my armor! Yeah, that's all! There's absolutely nothing suspicious behind me that would make you blast me into oblivion potentially!"

Heaving a sigh, Magnus picked up his subordinate, revealing a rather scrawny Space Wolve Neophyte in armor half painted in the livary of the Thousand Sons.  
"Ahriman, why is there a Space Wolve on my vessel?"  
"Funny Story, sir, I was exploring some nearby anchient ruins, and while I was there, I found this, ahem, 'relic'"  
"Go on"  
" and since no one had been there in a while, and since this 'relic' was obviously very dangerous to the inhabitants, I decided to... take it back with us. For research purposes."  
"Alright, but I still don't see-"  
"Ahah, well, while I was returning to the ship, a pack of savaged accosted me before I could begin my study of the "relic". They started throwing axes. " I had to find somewhere where I could conduct my research without interruption."  
Bringing his hands to his head to rub his suddenly sore temples, Magnus considered his options, or lack of in this situation. Returning the probably-psychically-gifted neophyte was out of the question, as that would require talking to Russ again, and an angry Russ at that. Sighing again, Magnus turned to Ahriman.  
"Alright, you can keep him, but Ahriman, if you make this a habit, I will be sorely displeased with you"


End file.
